Saturday, November 23, 2002

It's been an oil and water week. What I mean by that is it was both difficult and rewarding. Got a message from a friend of mine that said another friend needed to talk to me about a gig he's hooking me up with. The next day, I called up that friend and he tells me he knows somebody who'll be launching a new magazine soon and that he's recommending me to be one of the writers. I was so elated mainly because i was having doubts about my longevity in my new job--the subject matter has been getting really technical and there were times when i couldn't keep up with what was being discussed in training. Anyway, we had three exams this week and I passed each of them a point less from a perfect score. Still, there's always that sense of ambivalence and heightened all the more by four people in our batch leaving. I do like the whole nature of the job and the schedule (which is the main reason why many have left) hasn't bothered me one bit. My frustration seeps in when I can't understand certain things. There's no doubt in my heart that I want to be good at this job. But I'm also bracing myself for the uncertainty. If they let me go then I'll be able to concentrate on my writing and make that a career but it won't be so good on my psyche to let people down. Ultimately, God is the only one who knows what will happen and all I can do is trust. It's a big hurdle. There are so many factors about the job that the devil can use to make me give up but I choose to hold on and see how far God wants me to go. Screw the devil, i'm not that stupid.
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