Saturday, May 24, 2008

SHRINK RAP ::: Learning ABCs All Over

It's greatly encouraging to realize God isn't random. And there's no such thing as Margin of Error with him either because every single detail of our lives counts. Each section is a thread that completes the story of the tapestry...

And you're still reading. Okay! Great. =D

One of the greatest things that came out of this whole experience is it gave me the luxury of time to know God on a deeper level through prayer and studying the bible. Not that there wasn't ever any opportunity for that because, by George, every breathing moment is one, but (surprise!) I just didn't make it my priority. I went there wanting to hit the ground running while my loose ends were asking for a train wreck. So God put me on the "Israel in the wilderness" program. Hehe!

The thing is even though I grew up just like any Christian kid--a Sunday school-bred, outreach-exposed youth camp alumni--I can't say I went through it all completely on my own volition. Yes, the benefits of spending time with God worked for me nicely but I merely rushed through them instead of delighting in every moment.

Throughout the whole winnowing process, I realized I had my faith in the wrong place. This was the biggest reason to why everything I tried was one huge upset after another. Even if I strained every muscle in my body for my goal, a hamster on a wheel with one leg would have accomplished far greater. That's because apart from God, I am and can do absolutely nothing. Thank God I realized this! I mean I finally really absorbed it as burning truth, not just some nifty aphorism.

I am enjoying this uplifted spirit beyond expectations and my hunger for the message (nb: not just "the word") has been restored. Never in my life have I been more seeking, more engrossed, more reliant, and more excited about what God wants to teach me than right now. By the way, the Saturn return doesn't have anything to do with this so I'm not even gonna bother with the bogus. But yeah, it's a privilege to sit at Jesus' feet and be blessed each time with invaluable wisdom (not dogma) that no stuffy, centuries-old university could offer. You cannot go wrong with this transaction. His value proposition? True lasting peace.

Don't get me wrong if I seem enraptured silly because the lesson in patience continues and I'm still a work in progress. When things go wrong or don't meet my expectations, I see my crabby self jumping into DEFCON 1 instead of prayer. Like many, I am of the subconscious mentality that prayer is a side order or, much less, a garnish when it's actually the entree. You can be sure this is one aspect of me that I surrender to him moment by moment.

There is a long list of matters which I've been taking to God in prayer and he's been showing me the purpose and beauty of his ways. He diligently helps me understand how and where I'm wrong; to face my shortcomings and make corrections instead of burying my head in the sand. In short, deny myself and go with what is right in his eyes. With this in heart and mind, I'll continue to wait on the Lord in the hope that I am becoming a better Christian, a better human being each day.
Mt. 16:24-26 (The Message)

Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

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